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Jack Elliot - Squirrel Pie

The Pearl…Still my inspiration

As many of you know last month I lost Norma, my Pearl of the Orient, the love of my life. Norma was also the inspiration for many a Squirrel Pie tale. Norma claimed she hated me chronicling her madcap escapades, but then would turn around and do something just as hilarious or relate some other adventure from her past. So I think I just keep dredging them up simply for the pleasure of keeping her forever fresh in my mind. Where to start?


We were all gathered at the bakery, each of us at a separate table; (it’s a virus thing.) Communication was not that much different as most of us are more given to talking than hearing anyway.

I got up and shuffled to the coffee pot to get more caffeination. Others needed the fix as well.

“What’s with the limpitude,” asked Pickle a retiree from the rails. “I’ve never seen you drag your foot like that before.”

The New Phone

“Why can’t we see our kids on our cell phone like Donny and Lou can?” asked my wife Norma, the Pearl of the Orient. It wasn’t really a question. It was a direction. I was too wise to object, as after all my lusting after a new trike to add to the stable was going to be hard enough to justify without being accused of being stingy about a new phone.

I stopped in at Sightless, Soundless and Unreasonable in Fat Frantic the next day.

“I need a new uPhone to sync with my uPad. Fix me up,” I quipped as I breezed through the door.

Old and crotchety

So far I haven’t tested positive for COVID-19 but I am obviously infected. Not with lung or nasal symptoms. But I do have the headache and I have become the grumpiest and most crotchety old goat in the Rainy River District.

It seems to me that too many bureaucrats, government organizations, and some businesses and individuals are using the COVID-19 as an excuse for doing nothing.

The project

It seemed like a good idea... at the time. The Pearl with her usual skepticism, had questioned the pile of wood chips partially blocking her access to the garage.

“Elliott what is that monstrous pile of garbage in front of the garage?” she questioned with a visible lack of tolerance.

“Garbage? Garbage? That's not garbage. It's environmentally responsible mulch,” I retorted with as much dignity as my twisted mind could summon.

Bountiful harvest

By the time the Emo Fair is over, you have a pretty good idea of how this year’s gardens have turned out. But with the Covid-19 cancelling this year’s fair you will miss strolling through the displays of award winning fruits and vegetables that gives you the answer. You also will not be able to depend on the lies… er, reports, from neighbours of a bountiful harvest. And with this year’s massive expansion in gardening activity, there may be new opportunities to mooch off your neighbours

The great blueberry hunt

Blueberries. In a pie, muffins, blueberry crisp, on your morning cereal, or straight up by the handful, right off the bush. You can’t beat ‘em. They are truly one of the real treats of living in the north.

Of course anything worthwhile takes some effort. With blueberries it’s picking them. But before you can pick them you have to locate a good patch and here’s the rub.

Deep thinkers

Moose sent me an email the other day claiming that men are deep thinkers and supported that argument with the hypothesis that the pain of childbirth did not hold a candle to the male equivalent of being kicked in the groin. A good argument, but since he has never given birth, as far as I know, he needs delve a little deeper into his thinking.

China Day 11

It dawned sunny and warm. Blue sky! Really our first, so it is time for the sunglasses. Our hotel in Suzhou was very nice and everyone has survived their illnesses so far. After breakfast it’s all aboard for more site seeing. Our guide Jackie launched into our morning Chinese class…All very informative. Too bad my short term memory is shot.