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Other Contributers

Use proper finger protocol

Giving the finger, flipping the bird, the flying digit—whatever you want to call it, there are certain protocols that should be followed.

First off, it should be reserved for truly special occasions. No point on wasting an insult on someone unworthy of your attention.

You really should mean it when deploying the golden digit. As well, it is necessary to follow through and make eye contact.

Slow burn has begun

What to do with all that abundance of garden produce?

You only can eat so many zucchinis and the loaf, although supposedly healthy, has so much fibre, one’s bowels can be permanently distended—not to mention the gas.

Fortunately, the frost has put an end to excessive production . . . zucchinis that is, not gas.

The potatoes also are ready for digging and what a whopper of a crop! It has been taking two men and a small boy with crowbars to roll some of them out of the hills.

Use soothers to chill out

The other morning at the Bakery in Rainy River, Don pulled up to the debating table with his youngest daughter.

A bubbling, effervescent bundle of joy; all smiles giggles and sunshine. That is, until bored with her toast, she headed for the cookie and candy counter.

First Auntie blocked her way, then Dad grabbed her and tried to stuff her back in the high chair.

“Gad, you’re a worse whiner than your Uncle Kirk . . . or any other CN Hoghead!” exclaimed an exasperated Don.

The rest of us, plugging our ears, agreed.

The latest dance craze

American Pie and his bride have been spending the summer in their honeymoon retreat on the Rainy up by Hooterville this year.

“It has been just wonderful! Peace and quiet with just enough work, including the new garage, to keep me just busy enough,” Am enthused as he pointed out several of his latest projects and I have to admit the joint looked pretty ship-shape.

The only problem is he’s making it terribly hard on the rest of us to come up to our own spouses’ expectations on everything from landscaping to home repairs.

Ahh, summer

It’s here at last—summer!

So many great things happen this time of year. School’s out and all that wild shouting and screaming is, of course, the teachers. Even the students seem pleased.

With graduation ceremonies in full swing last week, several old alumni were in town—returning to their alma maters to hand out bursaries and other awards to deserving students.

Critters coming out of the woodwork

With spring finally sprung and mudding in the garden in full swing, it’s just amazing what kind of critters are coming out of the woodwork, or burrows as the case may be.

The skunks are roaming widely and soon a new batch of little ones will be busy getting themselves squashed on the highways.

Oh, the smell . . . sweeter than the last rose of summer.

Deer the same. The does, after dropping their fawns, will be busy darting out in front of you, stopping, and then heading back across in front of you again.

Seems a death wish goes with recent motherhood.

Joys of trimming

After I finally got the old lawnmower fired up and got the leftovers from last year’s flowers and the winters detritus chewed up, the lawn was in shape—sort of.

A couple more buzzes and the grass was gaining ground on me. But in spite of the growing windrows of brown grass, I refuse to rake and carry. Grind it into mulch is my motto.

The edges, however, would not pass the Pearl’s inspection.

Ode to the Lion’s Tooth

This deserves an annual reprise:

It’s that time of year again when the lawn warrior girds himself for battle. Weapons belt bristling with digger, snippers, three varieties of weed killer, and other assorted instruments of war, the grim combatant enters the field to face and eradicate the foe.

And don’t get me wrong, this is not a male-only pursuit. Many a mighty Amazon, similarly equipped, enters the fray with just as much zeal.

So just what is this hated foe?

A plumbing conundrum

First, in case you hadn’t noticed, the drought in the district of the past year has ended—I think.

That out of the way, let’s look at the wonders of modern plumbing: the hot shower.

You are worn out, tired, sore, dirty, and there is nothing quite like a long, hot shower to send your cares down the drain. It is one of the true pleasures of modern plumbing.